Iris
by whYFeL
Summary: Song-fic. Slight angst. It's obvious, really.


**_My second YnM fic, from a dare of my dear friend (and Corruptor) to write something based on Goo Goo Dolls's _****_"Iris". Never done a song fic before, so it's bound to be crap. (throws self into the nearest… drain.) _**

**_Anyways, thanks a lot for those who read and reviewed "His Birthday". Glad to know you all enjoyed it. And forgot to mention, I love Tatsumi Seiichirou. Especially in chocolate and cherries and tied with a bright blue ribbon. Or at least, with a blonde scientist-wannabe. Whichever is your pick. (smiles)_**

**_Disclaimer and Warning: Yami no Matsuei is not mine. Neither is Iris. If you're looking for a plot, then stop reading this instant._**

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_And I'd give up forever to touch you  
'Cause I know that you feel me somehow  
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be  
And I don't want to go home right now_

He is sitting up on his futon, blankets drawn tightly around his well-framed body in effort to ward off the cold, chin resting on his knees as he stares pensively out of his bedroom window at the tiny drops of rain pelting the glass. If he concentrates, he can almost imagine he is under the grove of sakura trees so prevalent in JuohCho – and possibly all over Meifu as well – with the flower petals raining gently down over him. He laughs and lifts out both arms as he twirls around in a silly little dance, and his partner – who is normally averse to the trees and their personal significance – will sigh, roll his eyes and call him "baka" for the umpteenth time.

He closes his eyes, and he sees his partner standing in front of him with the perpetual frown and too-serious gaze, and on a sudden impulse reaches out to pull the younger man close and starts to spin together in a slow simple waltz, just like how Ruka-neesan taught him. He giggles childishly as he leads the dance, ignoring the protests and threats of a second death stemming from the hapless partner. And in spite of the murderous glares and acidic words directed his way, he knows deep down that his partner enjoys the impromptu dance as well – from the way he finally stops talking and unconsciously inching closer towards him, the way his tensed muscles loses its usual rigid posture, the way his grip and steps grows more sure as they move together under the softly falling petals...

And Heaven has never feel so much closer to the forever damned descendant of Darkness than in this fragile moment of serenity...

When he finally opens his violet eyes, with the scent of his partner's hair and sakura blooms still lingering in his senses, the rain outside has already ceased – yet he somehow feels them on his cheeks, coursing slowly down in tiny rivulets as he wishes fervently that he can stay here just a little longer. If only for **_his_** sake…

_And all I can taste is this moment  
And all I can breathe is your life  
'Cause sooner or later it's over  
I just don't want to miss you tonight_

**_...ttttttttt..._**

_And I don't want the world to see me  
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand  
When everything's made to be broken  
I just want you to know who I am_

He hides behind the grumpy, forever-frowning, cocky attitude as only an empath with a history of neglect and curses can.

At first, it was done out of self-defense. After all, his unique ability had his own family shunning him, without understanding him, claiming him a child of demons – something that had, over the years, slowly creep into his mind and soul, torturing him in his denials until he finally accepted it as the truth. _If my own parents said it, then it must be the truth… right?_

Besides, as he grew older, his untrained senses became more bombarded with other's unguarded emotions and general thoughts that had him tethering constantly on the edge of insanity – which was why he almost eagerly looked forward to his long imprisonments in the basement, if only to escape the unwelcome voices and sickening realization that he was **_intruding_** into others' private minds…

Of course, having forcibly delved into the mind of a sadistic, twisted serial killer; not to mention being subjected to a horror almost more than what his physical, mental and emotional endurance could bear, was no help either. Because of the encounter under the full force of the red moon, he ended up in constant torture in the hospital; the sharp, jagged waves of pain and agony blotting almost everything else from his awareness. He had been left alone in his struggle of life, which lasted for three long years, where he inevitably lost in the end.

When he was later made a shinigami, he continued the act – which by now was so deeply ingrained into his very being that he no longer **_could_** act otherwise. And who should he be partnered with but **_him_**… the one person in his life (and afterlife) that manages to make him feel so much.

For him, the feelings the man brings out of him are simply… frightening. For someone who has spent most of his life closing his heart and shielding his thoughts and emotions from people, having someone who tries ever so hard to open him up again, to teach him to embrace life – and on some level, succeeds – confuses him. And scares him… And always leaves him yearning for more, which frightens him.

For someone who vowed not to depend on another, to prove he is not as weak as people often thought he was… to need his partner so much to risk his own soul to save him…

It feels wonderful, too. Which is all the more reason he hides – even though he no longer wishes to. Because he doesn't know how else to act.

_**...hhhhhhh...**_

_And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming  
Or the moment of truth in your lies  
When everything feels like the movies  
Yeah you bleed just to know you're alive_

"Ne… Hisoka?" The soft voice was hesitant, the emotion fearful, almost childishly hopeful.

Hisoka's mock glare was not in its usual place, his expression gentle for once. "Hai, Tsuzuki?" he replied equally softly, brushing the dark bangs back from the too-pale face, exposing the dried blood still evident on his partner's forehead.

"… am I… am I human?"

To see the tears continuing to fall from his eyes – to see the way he had earlier bashed his head against the sturdy wall… it was almost like a scene from a foreign movie he had once seen on the TV. And unlike the actors, all he could do was cupping the wet cheeks with slender hands and offering the most honest answer he could profess.

"… Yes, you are."

_And I don't want the world to see me  
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand  
When everything's made to be broken  
I just want you to know who I am_

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**_There… my strangest fic to date. Listening to too many heavy metal songs while writing fics tend to mess your brain real good – or bad, depending on your P.O.V. (insane smile) _**

**_I hope my "Corruptor" is happy now. And I took a scene from the anime 'cause I think it's more touching. _**

_**(goes off to find some chocolate for comfort)**_


End file.
